Check Out My New Cell Phone!

Just read an article on the "HBR Blog Network" titled "How to Really Listen"
http://blogs.hbr.org/bregman/2011/10/how-to-really-listen.html

Most of us know the polite way to respond when someone says, "Check out my new cell phone!" We ask for a demonstration of the cell phone and we ask about the cool new features. We know how to share and draw out the other person's excitement. We don't say the following:
"It's ok, that model's not that cool."
"Just wait until the next model comes out and you won't be this excited anymore."
"I got a new cell phone too! Look at mine!"

But when someone says, "I'm not looking forward to this day," we often stumble. We don't always share the other person's anxiety. We don't always ask for more information. We make several mistakes instead. We either try to minimize the problem ("it's not that bad, look at the bright side instead"), we try to fix it ("just talk to your boss,") or we distract things by sharing our own stories ("I'm not looking forward to this week either.") These responses are similar to the inappropriate cell phone responses listed above.

In other words, the right way to listen is to share the other person's anxiety and give them a chance to voice their concerns. Of course I'd rather see the latest hot phone than to talk about problems, especially if I'm part of the cause. I wouldn't be as excited about seeing a cheap, old, cell phone either. The secret here is to recognize that we already know how to listen under specific circumstances. We just need to take those good listening skills and apply them in more places!