This is the story of how I came to write “
The Art of Lisetning”. A few years back I found myself in a rather frustrating situation. I talked to my friends about it at the time, but I didn’t get a lot of emotional satisfaction out of those conversations. Later, when I thought about it, I realized what went wrong. Now I don’t have a degree in psychology; I have one in engineering and I make a living in computers. What I do have is prior experience as a volunteer at a telephone crisis center. And you need to realize that I’ve also been there for friends who were going through some tough times. I’m a very good listener. And I’m very good at explaining things. So I decided that I was going to write an article about listening to explain the process once and for all.
The first few drafts I wrote were very dense. I talked about concepts with few concrete examples. I had to go back many times to rewrite things and to make an effort to make the article easier to read. Emotionally speaking, I hope the final article feels compassionate. Although that was not an initial requirement, I think it became a necessary factor for success by reinforcing the central message. In fact, I hope the same ingredients that a good listener brings to a conversation can be found in my post: wisdom, organization, compassion. Maybe I’m a visual person, but I like my comparison of listening to physically helping someone get back on their feet. I like what I said about “critical compassion”. A good listener doesn’t blindly accept everything he hears at face value. He doesn’t put someone on defense either as if he’s cross-examining a witness. I like what I said about following up. I like how I concluded the piece. And I like how everything is organized based on the do’s and don’ts.
To sum up my original post, the best (emotionally supportive) listeners share their considerable understanding of human desire and conflict, guide the dialog with their logical and organization skills, and drive the whole process with their caring and compassion.
Posts
